This week on PhutureNews featured some interesting headlines from all walks of life.

In 2053, most of the residents of the East Coast of the United States suffered temporary amnesia when their cloud memory providers and brain firmware providers’ updates were botched.

Unsettlingly, in Wyoming in 2022 the first human sacrifices to videogame gods are predicted with nearly 90% of people thinking something like this will happen. In 2052 the IOC is predicted to finally lift its ban on non-human participants in the Olympics, although a full 10% of people think this may even happen within the next ten years (which begs some obvious questions about what these people are thinking).

In other news, in 2017 Guinness is predicted to come out with the first hangover-proof beer, and while only 37% of people thought this was likely, about 100% of people wished it would be true. In a final and possibly related news story, in 2018 a man in Kingston, Jamaica is predicted to become the first person to ever finish reading Finnegan’s Wake. In a short print review, the reader gave the book just two and a half stars, commenting, “Brightily by nefariduckiduckiduckiducki, the verily pissoir shalomed of the blood sausage.”